My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
