So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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