can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize