..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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