I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
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