His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i just sent this text using only my big toe
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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