I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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