once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
