If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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