You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
