Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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