in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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