he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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