how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
