She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
