How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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