I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
