i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
