sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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