i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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