I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
