You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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