we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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