She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize