Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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