who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
