Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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