If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
