how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
