she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
