Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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