I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The air was thick with penises
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
