Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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