I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
