that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
organizing the empties. That sober.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
