xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Sext me about skeletons
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
