Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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