porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
