In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
