Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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