You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
