If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
