Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
