Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
