Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
did you just send me my own nude
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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