i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize