I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
