how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
