The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
