the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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