Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Such a big mess for such a small penis
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
