pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
