Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
