girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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