We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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