I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
