Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize