I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
