This is not my ceiling
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Slut skills are useful in every country.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
