It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Mom said you looked used
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
