I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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