You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
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