Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
