Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
