matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
