i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
