the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
