drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
