My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
he laminated a picture of his dick.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
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