Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
