Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
last night I used snow as a chaser
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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