This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
