You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
