I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
